Kindled Meme

– exploring the purpose of connection


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In the moment

“ True wisdom lies in gathering the precious things out of each day as it goes by. ” E.S. Bouton

I read more and more about not worrying about tomorrow (I have two engagements Im worrying about right now…) and also to spend less time regretting the past (Ive been encouraged to reflect upon context and events… but when does that become rumination?).

The key seems to be living in the now – having awareness and appreciation for what we are creating  moment by moment. 

Distracted by a tweet promising insights for Content Marketing trends in 2014 (sheesh…) I find myself sidestepping into the Forbes website and being hit by the above quote.

Gathering precious things is often why I tweet, post to facebook and also post to this blog. Gathering precious things is also what I did last week with the kids in Iceland – and sure enough we were 4kg over our baggage allowance as we were obliged to pack for home our favourite bits of lava rock and basalt so that the kids can tell their holiday story to their friends at school.

Not all precious things get posted to social media or put in an overweight backpack. We also collect moments as feeling while helping out old friends – sharing some insights, helping onboard new colleagues and having the pleasure to meet people for the first time; buying a flight that will take us on a Zurich weekend adventure, and working with a colleague via skype to co-create a plan to help out the team and try to make everyone as awesome as they can be.

If I hadn’t written it down – I might have forgotten that any of this would have happened on November 5th 2013….. if I hadn’t read the words on Forbes I might never have been aware – in the moment – of the cool things I get to do each day.

What precious things have you got happening around you and because of you? And have you taken the moment to just acknowledge them?

What flotsam and jetsam are you wise enough to gather up today?

 DeadWhale

 

 

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My little scientist: “We don’t make popcorn, Dad”

My boy didn’t want to get up this morning. I pulled back the duvet – his eyes were screwed up but he was grinning.

Of course he was awake but his annoying sister as always had turned the lights on and robbed him of his peace and quiet. He likes to dream and think in bed and make plans – the plans of the hunter and the inventor.

“I don’t want to go to school.”

There is nothing wrong with school – its not the issue. Its just ‘delaying’ but I know I can fish him out.

“How was the science yesterday? Will yo do more science today?”

Yesterday was start of term two in his third year of school and his first ever bit of chemistry. He sits upright and his features wake up.

“I poured on liquid into the measuring… I made it change colour. Brandon poured in his liquid and bubbles came out – poured onto the tin and then all over the table.” Word tumble out of him – excited.

“Was there an explosion?”

“Oh, yes! It hit the roof”

Science was a big hit and in the grand journey of life and study and swotting and exam stress (that I experienced) it was the first footsteps forward.

“You know your grandpa is a scientist?”

“Grandpa?”

“Yes – he is a Professor – he invents things. He is a scientist”

“What Grandpa?”

He laughs. There is a professor character in his book at school – an excentric fool – you know the character….

“And Aunty Genevieve  – she is a Doctor. A science doctor – not one for sick people”

This is baffling for him. Doctors check out rashes and look in your ears and have cold hands.

“Do you have to stay in school a long time to be a Doctor?”

I love the way kids can screw up their face to show distaste – so expressive.

“Well yes – kind off. Basically if you don’t know what you want to do in life and you stay at school for too long they call you a Doctor”

He doesn’t like that. He wants to run away and live in the woods when he turns 11 – he doesn’t want to be in school too long.

“Well not all Doctors are boring – I have a friend called Dylan who is a Doctor of Computer Games”

“Oh, no. Thats no good. Im going to be a bus driver.”

Okay. This is a new one on me.

” Yes. Ive told Miles all about it. I’m going to build a bus and we are going around the world looking for food. We will drive into the woods and hunt food”

Okay.

“Its going to have three floors. The first floor is for me – I sleep there. Second floor is for Miles and he sleeps there. And the top floor is for the fishing rod and stuff.

Okay.

“What about going under bridges. You know, like when we go to Swindon – the bridge that the train goes over?”

The face screws up into a picture of tricky thought.

“Well the top floors collapse – they unzip. You pull them down and then they spring back up again”

His solution. I’ll buy it.

“What about a popcorn maker – will you have one of those on the top floor.”

He does this laugh of wonder. “Oh yes, if you like!”

But then he goes quiet and he thinks about the popcorn maker and corrects himself.

“Thats a daft idea. We’re hunters. We don’t make popcorn, Dad”

Of course. How silly I am.

“Okay, then. Come on, its time for school.  Lets go”

“Okay then…”


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Twitter – the new graffiti?

This summer I headed out with the kids onto the south Oxfordshire downs and we headed to Waylands Smithy – its an old burial mound at the side of the Ridgeway – an ancient roadway that runs along the tops of the chalky downs – its been there for thousands of years – a sheep drovers way connecting rural with urban.

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At the burial mound the kids can run around the stones and in amongst the trees. They were pretty excited as I’d primed them during the 20 minute walk from the car that it was the home of Flibberty Gibbet – and talked about the giants that lived there during ancient times. Libby also found a ten pence piece inside the tomb – it was pretty exciting – she knew that Flibberty had left it there for her. I then had to hide some more money inside the stones as the boy had the hump that he hadn’t found any. I learnt that day that for around 50 pence with of 5p’s you can create magic for kids by staging a treasure hunt.

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While they played I took some pictures of the trees – specifically the way people had carved their names into them. This practice was all the rage when I was a kid – every small boy had a pocket knife and a “whitling stick”.

The Smithy is a protected ancient monument and its not right to carve the bark of the massive trees that surround it – but this had be done many years ago – often people date their graffiti and more than that the trees girth grows the letters fatten – you can see it was done years ago.

 

When we had that day out it was the same time that a guy was arrested for abusing Tom Daley on twitter (during Olympics) and a guy was arrested for threatening a terrorist attack on Robin Hood airport – both regrettable twitter events – but no doubt when the tweet was being rattled out they didn’t expect the 140 characters to have any real impact.

I dont think people or young kids have penknives in the same way these days and looking at the trees no one had gouged their name in to them for a couple of decades. I got thinking whether twitter was the new tree-graffitti – small bursts of words that capture a moment, shout out an identity and demand recognition in the world. Is there the same energy in the moment of creation?

Has the world of Victorinox Swiss Army knives been disrupted by the 140 Chars of twitter? And is a digital declaration safer than one carved out with a knife?

If you do go to south west Oxfordshire (where I live) do go to Waylands Smithy. Its a beautiful place – the downland always changes through the year – the landscape is very expansive and if you go up their on a mountain bike (without kids) you can head off deeper into the countryside – in some spots there are no roads, no pythons, no telegraph wires – it feels spookily remote. Silent, yet just north of the M4.

If you do go with your kids its a couple of mile round trip – they will be goosed on the way back. Make sure you have some treats and drinks in your backpack to bribe them to keep walking. I didn’t – it was hard work!

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Parenting Digital Natives – the impact we have

Back in October the government published its annual report into Media Use and Attitudes – some data was quite surprising – but should it be – the writing has been on the wall for some time and this report evidences the digital changes in a new generation.

It does show the digital swing towards mobile – Smartphone ownership has increased among all children aged 5-15 (28% vs. 20% in 2011), primarily driven by a 21 percentage point increase among children aged 12-15 – 62% now own smart phone – a 50% increase year on year.

And the growth in tablets is also significant. Around one in seven (14%) of all children aged 5-15 use a tablet computer (such as an iPad) at home – whilst small it’s a threefold increase since last year –  and its being used for internet access not just for apps.

For the first time the report also looks at access to media among children aged 3-4 and we see that one in four regularly access the internet – sounds shocking but then I think how my own kids (four and six) are smartphone savvy – “they grow up quickly”

The section in the report though that drew my attention was the area on setting rules – as a parent is there some way to be responsible – a kind of best practice. But the data wasn’t as reassuring as I hoped. Parents can and do set rules but its impacting the way the kids think about the connected world – and children with rules are less likely to undertake some online activities.

“There are differences in the online activities undertaken at least weekly; children aged 5-15 with supervision rules are less likely than those without rules to undertake many activities:

• general surfing (45% vs. 51%),

• social networking (31% vs. 50%),

• watching or downloading videos made by the general public on sites like YouTube (31% vs. 40%),

• play/download music (25% vs. 38%),

• Instant Messaging (19% vs. 29%),

• watch or download music videos (19% vs. 28%),

• send or receive emails (19% vs. 27%),

• listen to radio over the internet (7% vs. 11%),

• make/receive telephone calls over the internet using services like Skype (6% vs. 11%),

• send or receive Twitter updates (3% vs. 7%),

• go to photo sharing websites (2% vs. 5%),

• buy things online (1% vs. 3%),

• sell things online (0% vs. 1%).

So kids with rules are less exploratory, not as social (email, social networking, VoIP calls) and consume less content (music, videos, photo’s) and not as aware of the commercial landscape.

As the report says

“There appears, therefore, to be a relationship between the presence or absence of rules relating to parental supervision and the ways in which the child accesses the internet at home and the activities undertaken online.”

Some other data:

“12-15s with rules about supervision are less likely to say they are very confident in several aspects of their internet use:

• using search engines (70% vs. 80%);

• finding what they want when they go online (53% vs. 69%);

• using the internet to do creative things (28% vs. 42%)

• judging whether a website is truthful (20% vs. 32%)

• feeling very confident as an internet user (55% vs. 69%).”

I spend a lot of time with my kids building their confidence and independence – they are the best company in the world because of their creativity and imagination – I don’t like the idea of rules impacting on those qualities.

“Children aged 12-15 with rules relating to personal supervision are more likely to say they have been bullied online in the last 12 months (13% vs. 6%).” 

“8-11s with rules about personal supervision are more likely than those without rules to be concerned about people pretending to be them online (10% vs. 4%), while 12-15s with these rules are more likely to be concerned about seeing things that make them feel sad, frightened or embarrassed (14% vs. 8%).”

I really don’t want to be intervening in the kid’s lives so that they feel sad, frightened and embarrassed.

“Among children aged 12-15 with a social networking site profile, those with these rules are more likely than those without to feel concerned about people sometimes being bullied through social networking sites (41% vs. 28%). They are also more likely to be concerned about people getting a bad name from other people posting comments about them (36% vs. 25%) or about someone posting photos of them on their page (20% vs. 9%). They are, however, no more likely to be concerned that strangers might find out information about them or that someone might pretend to be their age and get to know them.”

Kids really can be bloody awful to each other – you see it in real-life – but you hope they don’t come up against this too often. But I don’t want them entering the world thinking that its likely to happen – if they fear it they will find it.

So maybe not rules – but some ‘tech’ to make it safe – so they know all it well. How does that pan out?

“In terms of children’s critical understanding of online content, children aged 12-15 with technical mediation in place, who use search engines, are more likely than those without such mediation to say that if a search engine lists a result then the information on that website must be truthful (39% vs. 21%).

Children with technical mediation are no more likely to be aware that advertisements are sometimes shown in the search engine’s results…and no more likely to be aware of websites using information to show personalised advertising to visitors.”

But the report also confirms that being a parent in this time isn’t easy and in the coming years I should expect to be part of the Forty-six per cent of parents that agree with the statement:

“My child knows more about the internet than I do”.

 67% of parents of 12-15s feel this way. Why will I be any different?

When I chatted to a friend about all this on the weekend she flagged up that Vodafone were doing their bit to help and had given out a guide to kids in her school (near Bristol). A quick hunt and here it is. Sounds like we should take all the help we can.

Thanks V.

And this article on the BBC website also got me thinking not only about what kids are doing but how they are doing – on how Kindness makes kids more popular. Its not just the ‘what’ our kids do but also the style and performing acts of kindness can have a positive impact on their journeys

“The most interesting finding to me is that a simple positive activity can promote positive relationships among peers,” said Dr Layous.

She suggested that by reinforcing social connections between children … schools could help to combat bullying.

“I was not completely surprised that students increased in happiness, because we have found the same effects in adults,”

Rules can be about the ‘do’s’ as well as the don’ts. Its not all about being tech savvy – its shaped by positive social behaviour.

And if you were in any doubt about how young they start these days – check out this toddlers digital journey.

 

 


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Parenting – “When Robots get me”

Its 4.30am and I roll over. Fresh space and a stretch. The daylight is slipping under the blinds.

But as I turn – Whoa! – I can see our boy is in bed with us. Trouble.

Hey, whats up?

“Nightmare…. Wont stop…… I always dream of Hogwarts….. Not this.”

What is it?

“Robot. He’s getting me!”

Where!

“In the garden. A transformer. So big. He’s got an axe.”

What is he doing?

“He’s chasing me. Hes got an axe. Hes really big”

Mmmm… Shall we put roller skates on him? He’ll get stuck in the mud and on the gravel.

(My boy thinks)

If he’s got muddy feet he cant come in the house. Mum wont let him.

(He thinks some more)

Why is he chasing you anyway?

“He’s big. He’s a black transformer. He turns into a car and can go fast”

Why dont we say he is a “Chicken transformer” – he can only turn into a chicken. A funny chicken. That lays easter eggs

(My boy smiles)

Why dont we ask him why he is grumpy? Would he like a hot chocolate? One with marshmallows on top? Robots love marshmallows and they love hot chocolate. Maybe he can come and chat in the kitchen. If he takes his muddly robot shoes off…

Hot chocolate is a favourite in our house – my boys eyes are wide open and the frown and fear has gone.

But its 4.30am and I need to sleep. I tell him to roll over and form a cuddle. My face is against his back. My thumb is in one of his hands and his other hand is hooked back over my head and he holds onto my ear.

His shoulder blade against my face is sharp – not soft like Fran’s. Do shoulder blade wear smoother with time. Like molars wearing down with too much chewing. If we use our arms a lot through life will the motion smooth us down? (Elephants have 4 sets of molars in their life – when the final set wear out its time to give up status and lie down with some dignity.)

My thumb feels the shape of his hand wrapped around it. Strong hands – the five year old is built for climbing, wresting and hunting. This boy will be strong when he grows up. His torso is skinny and lean – he is like one of those rubber bones that dogs chew – no fat, no soft fleshiness, just firm. But he’s warm and I love him very much.

Some memories you can take pictures of – but these memories I never want to loose.

And I become aware that these moments are moments I take for granted. Because life with kids is hectic and distracting but they wont be like this forever.

The photos on my iPhone are great keepsafes. But warmth, connection and love like this doesn’t get stored on a phone too well.

And so Im writing it down becasue I dont want to forget.